Divorce is a financial disaster for us men. We love each other and have a wonderful relationship. I got sick of his empty promises and accepted a proposal from another gentleman who has been watching me since i was a teenager, dreaming that one day i will be his wife. Look at pre-nups, willingly signed they are still routinely put aside by the courts for the flimsiest reasons. I love her but the trust has just gone out of me at this point. I had to lie to him and tell him its not what I want.
If it is the beginning of a relationship then the man can cover himself with a beautiful mask. If he has no rational reason to dislike the idea of marriage yet doggedly sticks by it, you should call him out on it. But I want that piece of paper! But what do you do in this situation? Changing paradigms like that is not easy. I could never talk to him as then the normal ignore starts for months on end i used to beg etc but somehow i have stopped now. What is it exactly about marriage that she feels is essential to their relationship? The more they press, the more this becomes an impossible thing for me to do. I would be wary of anyone that wants my time, money, energy, support, domestic labour, sex, and love but isn't willing to forfeit a little of their comfort for me to be legally protected from the worst of what-ifs. I spent a long time being single dating and he is the first person I have really connected with.
I love you so much and want to keep you happy but at the same time i cant get married also. Just for him to tell me that he loves me and is commited to me. But we could work out a time frame for me to figure things out of he died. I would also get your car put in your name. The ball is in her court if she can live with this or not. Marriage is a risk, but so is Love and the Sex.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. He says he loves me, but love is an emotional investment. You had 10+ years with someone you loved. I want to share in the spiritual bond that is having a ceremony of commitment. A work friend of his was crashing on our brand new couch for over 6 months for free. Whether or not he wants a legal marriage if you plan to cohabitate there is an implicit understanding of a cohabitating relationship between you and should something go wrong you are in a far murkier situation with no legal agreements between you then with one.
Still, I think it is important to live together before marriage. I have always dreamed of a family and kids — and I am completely confused about what to do. Is he anti-marriage or anti-you? Your story sounds exactly like mine! You've found an unusual guy, but I think you're drawing a stark contrast here when it's unnecessary. You can choose to be coward and leave a marriage when things get tough or just cos you are a gold-digger but that doesnt mean that this is what you get when you get married. There are many more reasons for men to avoid marriage, to name a few; lifetime alimony after 10 years in some states, quasi automatic custody of the kids to the woman, no fault divorce meaning you could be cheated upon and still have to lose 50% of your assets even if you are a victim , 50% chances of divorce with roughly 70% of the divorces initiated by women, etc. We have had our ups and downs but we never give up on each other.
Our plan is to move in together once she graduates. He sounds like a much better boyfriend than most husbands I have known. I can honestly say that he would feel the same way if it were another woman. If I broke up with my man, Someone else would swoop him rite up. I am confused if i still will continue our relationship or give up. Lol and see me right , get me what i need.
He says he will never get married. So find out which key it is. Just lost with what is right. I think the older one gets one realizes that things are different. After years of living together, investing time, home, money and possibly a child too? We have both been married twice before. Life is precious, as we get older the more chance that illness will strike, and I think its important to value what I do have, because the alternative is far worse. It may not work for you anymore.
If it's purely a financial concern at this point, investigating a pre-nup and establishing what would go with whom in the event that you split while you're both calm and reasonable is a good safetynet. But if you are married then you can stand each other before just leaving each other. People cannot really cope when older alone financially and healthwise so the search for someone doesnt include being in love. My girlfriend and I both have a child from previous relationships. However women stand to lose more than men under such circumstances. I would think that his being inconsiderate and not wanting to dance with you at a wedding and not communicating with you there so that you basically attended the wedding without a date is a sign that this current boyfriend might not be a great partner in the long run. I had to give it to my grief.
Its so enlightening to see other women going through similar situations! I just dont know what to do. If he's a logical thinker, appeal to that part of his brain. A simple contract, for example, can outline who owns what property and how it will be divided if you split up. I have given my all but tired and we have now also lived together past 2 yrs. Unless, as I mentioned earlier, you have one person who is high income and utilise a trust structure to minimise the tax paid. He was as scared as shit.
Im asking because if you have things you own together, like a house, then if marriage is out of the question then I would suggest open discussion about options. Unlike now, where you are sitting waiting for him: he has all the power. Why we can argue about the history and intent of marriage, in a legal sense it does provide a whole host of recognitions and protections. We have a 1 year old daughter together. He has trust issues, not only from his previous marriage, but also his childhood. I am 47 with two boys, he is 55 with a daughter who lives with him part time. Both men and can be hesitant about marriage, and when romantic partners have different opinions of marriage, the conflict can be challenging to resolve.