Santa laughing his head off! Q - What party game did Jekyll like best? Because every buck is dear to him! Remember, Christmas isn't about how big the tree is, or what's under it. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and Firm. Why did Santa go to the doctor? What are the best Christmas sweaters made from? A - It went with a bang! What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple? Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? It's only available here at JokeQuote. A rebel without a Claus. Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe! I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? Dear School: Please ekscuse John Henry being absent on Jan.
Why was the ornament addicted to Christmas? He only comes once a year. Then, at that very moment, somebody rang the doorbell, and kept right on ringing. What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off? He had a cold and could not breed well. After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. Please excuse Mary Ann for being absent yestitty.
Darren remembers accompanying his father out shopping in the toy department of Hamleys one Christmas Eve. What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. Frosty the snowman with a hot flush! Why did the turkey cross the road? This is not widely known. Why is winter a snowman's favorite time of year? I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary, the one you don't wear because I don't have good taste. Why is Santa Claus always so happy? What is Santa's favorite place to deliver presents? It might be a minced spy. What kind of motorcycle does Santa Claus ride? A fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out! What do fish sing at Christmas time? Santa was smart enough to stop at three hos.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? A - A dog ate him in the hall! Doctor: What seems to be the problem? And when I go outside I want to see a damn bike leaning against the damn garage. Where does Christmas come before Thanksgiving? Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. She's a bit upset, but it sounds to me like you had an awesome day at school. This gathering is only for employees! What do you call Father Christmas in the beach? What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by Or buy it in print! Claus always pray for a white Christmas? They scream when you slice them. Tooth Fairy: I collect human teeth. Because he was tied to the chicken! What smells most in a chimney? Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans that you have had for a few years, that you can no longer wear because they are too tight on you.
What do you call an elf wearing earmuffs? What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? Why does Santa like to work in his garden? What do you call Santa's helpers? What do you call a scary reindeer? One slays the dragon and the other drags the slay. They want them to be purr-fect! It's about who's around it Christmas light displays are the freestyle rap battles of the suburbs. What do you call Santa's little helpers? What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter? I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect. Why did the woman cross the road? When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? Why was the snowman rummaging in the bag of carrots? I got your stocking stuffer right here! What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Reeking of smoke, and definitely not in his happy place, Santa jerked open the front door and there stood an angel with a Christmas tree. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? What do you call a girl who cheats on you during the holidays? What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? What do you call a girl who cheats on you during the holidays? Who is the Music Elf's favorite reindeer? Where do Santa's reindeer stop for coffee? We hope that you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today. Then during his pre-Christmas flight safety check, Santa found the maintenance team had totally neglected the sleigh: the runners were rusty, the paint had cracked, and some of the wood was infested with termites.
From the youthful fits, who were visiting behind by the Side of Spanish descent, Baquerizo, they filed initiate of a well founded plantation at Fortuna former name of Bellavista. In fact, I'm so pleased, you know that bicycle I said I was going to buy you for Christmas, I think I'll get it for you this weekend. One Post, two Globes, and many Times. Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight. He said to the butcher, 'Do you raise them yourself? Here are the best, funniest and silliest Xmas jokes, puns, one-liners and quotes ever written. What do you call a christmas song parody that's not funny? He sold his soul to Santa. So I never got anything.
Happy Holidays to you and your family. I hope Santa brings me that mistletoe belt I asked for! What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? What do you call a broke santa? Or a redneck close the only one with a message. Kermit the finest finger Q:. Because i see a ho! What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party? Each game is reviewed to ensure that is is safe for all ages. Gays are allowed to sit with each other.
What do you call a truck full of dildos? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving. Q - Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party? Because he had low elf esteem. Because he's always in pole position! What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? What did one Christmas tree say to the other Christmas tree? The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. What is better than a cold Bud? For those of you who are pissed off because of the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.
I couldn't hear them, so I have snow-idea! Who delivers presents to dentist offices? Limp Bizkit Name the child's favorite Christmas king? It represents a candle, he said. These elements help themselves to the fish after they are looking. Because it had the drumsticks! Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce? What happens when you kiss a canary? Why do cats take so long to wrap presents? Well, it'll be the last thing I will hear from you. He always wraps his package before shoving it down the chimney. Who delivers presents to cats? It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas. Santa going through a revolving door! Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute? Because they are rain deer. They go into town, and blow a few bucks.
Q - What happens to you at Christmas? What type of Shoes does Santa wear when he travels on a train? They're going to call her Old Spice. Boy: Wasn't he born last year? What's the most popular Christmas wine? What did Santa say to the smoker? What does Santa get if he gets stuck in a chimney? Funny quotes, sayings, photos, songs, videos and more. Freeze a jolly good fellow. Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas? A bunch of elves got sick from some bad eggnog, and toy production was way behind. Q - What did the big candle say to the little candle? Same telephones the on an out-of-business tool say?.